Stepmom claims her step-kid's mom is lying about them not liking her, mom exposes that they say the same negative things about their stepmom to their dad: 'They walked out to deal with their marital issues.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 13, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

Here's a difficult question: When are you supposed to tell your friend or loved one when someone says something terrible about them? I'd like to know if someone who is in my social circle that I really trust says something negative about me. While that's good in theory, I've found it sometimes causes more problems than good in practice. One of my best friends (let's call her Beth) told me something negative that one of our other friends (let's call her Kathy) had said about me, and it really changed the way I felt about her. Worst of all, I didn't feel like I could confront Kathy about it because then I would be exposing Beth. I don't think Beth was in the wrong for telling me, but do I really want to negatively affect her friendship with Kathy because she did the right thing of telling me the truth? 

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  • It's perfectly acceptable to reveal the truth behind someone's silence for the occasional petty revenge reasons. The stepmom in this story tried to blame her stepkid's problems with her on their mother, but she revealed that the kids had said the exact same things to their father about their stepmom.

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    Cheezburger Image 10479454976
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA getting my ex in trouble during therapy with me and his current wife?

    My ex-husband (40m) and I (36f) share three kids (12f, 11f and 9m). Since our divorce my ex has remarried. His wife Janie (38f) has two of her own kids (13m, 7m) who she has full custody of. So they've made a very blended family. I have a partner (43m) myself now but we don't live together or anything so he's not directly involved here.
    via u/Quirky_Ad4132
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    The problem is my kids dislike Janie, my girls more so, and they feel like she tries to play their mom and push me out. They have mentioned specific incidents which led me to address the concerns with my ex and after a while of this it strained things between me and them (ex and Janie). They told me they didn't believe me and said I must be the
    via u/Quirky_Ad4132
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    reason the kids were causing trouble at their house. They never specified what this trouble was. At one point after things got bad my ex admitted to me that the kids had complained about the same things to him regarding Janie and he wasn't telling her.
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    C
    via Annie Spratt

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    This landed us back in court and into therapy together for co- parenting.
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    In our therapy sessions Janie complained about me and said she feels like I refuse to accept she's also now a mom to my kids and wants to ruin it by making up complaints. She said anything the kids say isn't real and is just kids trying to stir sh with the adults.
    via u/Quirky_Ad4132
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    During the discussion about this I brought up my ex and how the kids complained to him also and he told me as much. This started a fight off between my ex and Janie. It derailed the session because they walked out to deal with their marital issues.
    via u/Quirky_Ad4132
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    My ex is ped at me for throwing him under the bus like that. I defended myself but he said I could have approached the rebuttal differently. Janie accused me of trying to break up her marriage and being a part of stirring sh between everyone. AITA?
    via u/Quirky_Ad4132
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    Cheezburger Image 10479461888
    via Michael Mims

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    themcp In our therapy sessions Janie complained about me and said she feels like I refuse to accept she's also now a mom to my kids and wants to ruin it by making up complaints. I would tell her "you're not a mom to my kids. You're my ex husband's wife. You have not adopted them, nor will I let you do so. They have a mom, they don't need another. If you stop trying to be their mom, they might be able to have a friendly, respectful relationship to you
    via u/themcp
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    and I'll encourage them to at least be respectful. If you keep trying to be their mom, they will resent you and I will not tell them that they shouldn't." NTA for what you said. If you stated facts, you did not "throw him under the bus." He leapt under the bus of his own volition.
    via u/themcp
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    auntlynnie 100%!!! I have been a step-parent, and the first time I ever interacted with my (now-ex) partner's ex-wife, I sent her a card telling her that I would do my best to be respectful and caring towards her kids, and that I recognized but couldn't fathom how much trust she would have to put in a stranger to treat her kids right.
    via u/auntlynnie
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    My ex and I broke up 5 years ago, and we're all STILL on good terms. OP's ex caused his own mess by not being honest with his wife, and his wife caused her own mess by saying that "anything the kids say isn't real" and claiming that she's a mom to someone else's kids. NTA. . A little respect goes a really long way.
    via u/auntlynnie
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    vron987 I was also in long-term relationship with a guy with a kid. I blocked him on everything, but I stayed in touch with his ex-wife so I could like congratulate his daughter when she graduated high school and stuff! I don't know if she really liked me all that much, but I still wanted her to know that it's her dad I left, not her!
    via u/vron987
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    Affectionate_Oven428 He's quick to say OP threw him under the bus, but he's doing exactly that to his kids by letting them take the brunt of Janie's mommy bs and not being honest with his current wife. NTA.
    via u/Affectionate_Oven428
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    PrincessPindy He is also doing it to her as well. By not backing her up that the kids have told him. He's a whimp.
    via u/PrincessPindy
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    timorouscapp NTA. Your kids' feelings should be the priority here, and if they are consistently expressing discomfort about Janie, that deserves to be taken seriously. It's concerning that your ex dismissed their concerns until it became a bigger issue.
    via u/timorouscapp
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    Janie seems more focused on claiming a “mom” role rather than listening to how the kids actually feel. A stepparent should earn that place through respect and trust, not force it. The fact that your ex finally admitted the kids were telling him the same things but hid it from Janie says a lot he likely knew she wouldn't take it well, which is exactly what happened in therapy.
    via u/timorouscapp
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    You didn't "ruin" anything. You just told the truth, and it's not your fault that it exposed cracks in their marriage. Keep advocating for your kids, and hopefully, therapy will help them realize they need to actually listen instead of dismissing their feelings.
    via u/timorouscapp
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    chrisrevere2 If she actually wanted to be a mom she would listen to the kids. She's mistaken the role of "manager" for parent.
    via u/chrisrevere2
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    Sea-Pollution6215 Those kids come first! Always!
    via u/Sea-Pollution6215
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    Foolish-Pleasure99 And Janie disagrees. She seems to think she can dictate how they feel and if they disagree they or OP are the problem. She seems to confirm everything the kids don't like.
    via u/Foolish-Pleasure99
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    Glittering Vamp Sounds like your ex-husband and his new wife need their own therapy sessions, yikes. And here I thought my in-laws were the only ones who needed constant mediation.
    via u/GlitteringVamp
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    Zealousideal_Mood118 A therapist can only help people who are being honest (to the best of their ability). Everyone has to be open for the process to work. I was an adolescent mental health provider for years and parents not being open and making an effort was the biggest hurdle.
    via u/Zealousideal_Mood118
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    Difficult Mood_3225 NTA. Why would he even agree to therapy if he wasn't going to tell her the truth
    via u/Difficult_Mood_3225
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    Quirky_Ad4132 OP It was court ordered.
    via u/Quirky_Ad4132

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therapist stepchildren family drama stepmother kids therapy stepchild stepmom wife husband exes dad ex wife family ex husband mom children
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